Through The Waters

Whirling, whizzing, spinning Revolving, searching, delving Delving deep inside me Inside my very tissues Seeking, probing for darkness As I lie on this table in this circle of energy And ponder what it will find Anxious thoughts rise up And threaten to overwhelm the hum The whirring round my body Searching for the enemy within Hiding in cells, tissues, organs Causing an inward chaos And Disorder And yet there is One who knows me intricately, inside and out Not only my physical body But my wounded, spiritual self My inner spirit weary and worn Appearances can be deceiving Be forewarned As anxiety rises with each spin of this whirling machine Peace, be still, echoes across the expanses of my thoughts And I breathe, as instructed As created, as ordained A breath of life amidst The fear of the unknown.      Some musings and wanderings of the mind as I lay under the shadow of the CT yesterday.  Yes, there have b...

I sit here this morning accompanied by my little 3 year old sidekick... busy colouring away at the table in one of her zillion colouring books - but I must say that her colouring abilities have improved greatly over the last few months - staying in the lines (mostly) and chattering away while she's working.  Pleasant company for an early morning... watching the sun peeking up over the neighbour's house, snow still sticking around for now, classical music playing on the radio, with remnants of last night's record listening session leaning against the bookshelf - some good old Beethoven as an sidekick to a good game of Scrabble in which I finally kicked my dear husband's butt with a decisive victory thanks to "juice" and "flanges" placed in ideal situations.  Felt good to finally beat him as he was the victor the last few games we've played.  I do love word games and it's a bit sad when I lose (a little bit competitive here maybe - you're a...

    It's Saturday morning and it's still relatively quiet in the house.  Martha is babbling around me, talking about this, that and the other thing.  Looking forward to our possible trip to Ikea and to the RBG to visit Pablo, the turtle, her best friend.  Best friend status tends to be a fickle thing in our household lately - I find mine rescinded quite regularly whenever I say no to something "you're not my best friend anymore!"  Uncle Mark and my sister's dog Mitzi end up claiming best friend status the most of all but Ava's starting to work her way into the best friend position.  Martha truly loves her little sister and is in general very gentle and friendly with her.  So this is the company I have this morning, along with the gentle lights of the Christmas tree - probably the last day for it to be up - I'm pretty sad to see it go this year as it has been a great tree and has been so cozy in the early hours of the morning or last hours of the e...

  Winter wonderland on the meadows It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas   It's 2018... hard to believe but we've made it to this year in one piece... I'll admit it was a bit touch and go there earlier in the year but we're here... we have a brand new baby to show for it and a scar outside and many inside and yet we are here... celebrating the coming of a New Year.  We would like to wish for a blessed New Year for all our friends and family, near and far, spread across the globe, like a total world network of compassion that surrounds us.  Timothy and I sit quietly now in the living room, the Christmas tree still glowing but the presents are all unwrapped and stowed away here and there. The busyness of the Christmas time with family dinners and gifts and poems is now a thing of 2017, a memory tucked away to remember and dwell on and rejoice in.  Someone's found her hands and tongue Our dear girls       We were truly ...

All is calm, all is bright...       I have a precious few minutes before the day begins, before doors creak open and our daughter makes her way into our room saying "it's day, Mommy", despite the darkness of our Canadian winter, before the routines of breakfast and getting dressed and the busyness of life sets in.  It's good to sit, here in the dark, in front of the tree and think.  Words of carols have been tossing through my brain a lot the last weeks.  As the Christmas season slowly moves forward, I've got a lot of thoughts about many things.  It's been a while since the last update and that for good reason - somehow, to afford the luxury of sitting down and letting your ideas and such spill out of you onto the virtual page, is a difficult thing to manage.  It seems strange, being that I'm not working, maybe, but with a two and a half month old baby (gaack, where does the time go?  How is she so old already?), a very busy active t...

I know it's been a little bit since there's been an update... and I think I'll chalk that up to the busy Christmas season and life with two little ones and chemo and all those things that make up our lives lately.  As I type today, it's definitely a bit of a challenge owing to the fact that I am on two different chemo drugs that have conflicting side effects.  One drug makes my hands and virtually all other parts of me very sensitive to cold - so that if I touch a cold door handle or a key or step on a cold floor, there are feelings like shocks that run through my hands or feet.  On our way to Martha's Christmas program the other night, I had to park blocks away (should've clued in that there would be a lot of people there) and carry Ava with me and I have never been so glad to see my dear friend Laura who helped me trek up to the church.  By the time I made it inside, due to panic of being late and the cold cold air, my throat was having spasms that made it har...

   Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright... the baby is swinging away, Martha is tucked into her bed after another tumultuous suppertime and I'm here... with quiet music on, the Christmas tree tucked into the corner keeping me company and lending a comforting, still, aromatic and seasonal presence to the room.  It's the Christmas season, it's descending upon us with great speed - the stores are filled with decorations and holiday music and there are lights popping up everywhere and we tend to get caught up with the busyness of the season - so many articles are written about trying to tame the crazy Christmas season and to remember the reason for the season.       And though our house is slowly beginning to look a lot like Christmas, it's a different flavour this year.  It's a bit more of a sobering flavour, a bit of a dark reality that lurks just beyond the glow of the lights.  The knowledge of what we are facing, what we are ba...