Musings on the New Year, hands, and how we're doing

 

Winter wonderland on the meadows

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

  It's 2018... hard to believe but we've made it to this year in one piece... I'll admit it was a bit touch and go there earlier in the year but we're here... we have a brand new baby to show for it and a scar outside and many inside and yet we are here... celebrating the coming of a New Year.  We would like to wish for a blessed New Year for all our friends and family, near and far, spread across the globe, like a total world network of compassion that surrounds us.  Timothy and I sit quietly now in the living room, the Christmas tree still glowing but the presents are all unwrapped and stowed away here and there. The busyness of the Christmas time with family dinners and gifts and poems is now a thing of 2017, a memory tucked away to remember and dwell on and rejoice in. 

Someone's found her hands and tongue

Our dear girls

      We were truly blessed over the Christmas season with many material gifts but also small chances to give back - to share our blessings, to give back in little and big ways.  We both sit on our computers doing various things, Ava's is kicking away beside me - showing off her incredible strength, her sweet, sweet smiles, her new found abilities to suck her hand and stick out her tongue.  Martha's tucked in bed and asleep finally - she's got a newfound propensity for getting out of bed and puttering around in her room, so that we find all manner of toys in her bed that weren't there when we put her to bed, the curtains pried open so that she can "watch Daddy shovelling the snow" at 9:30 at night... our little night owl - might be time to lose the afternoon nap, but that is oh so precious sometimes.  She was happy to go back to day care for the first day this week - we kept her home last week to allow for some downtime at home.  We were so pleased to have a white Christmas this year - lots of snow blowing around and chances to play outside and explore the winter wonderland with cousins and uncles and aunts.  Martha even had a chance to visit a cow farm - if you ask her about it, she'll proudly tell you that a baby calf licked her hand and she wasn't even scared. 

Opening presents

Girl time

And a great smile from our littlest deVries!

Big sister has some more.... interesting smiles

Ok.. might have to call this pinterest fail...

Someone's excited!

    We had some hiccups over the Christmas season with health which weren't so fun.  I went to my family doctor and was diagnosed with a sinus infection, which sadly totally took away my sense of smell and taste so that I went through four Christmas dinners/evenings with absolutely no tastebuds - I can tell you all about the textures and feelings of the food but sadly nothing about its tastes.  The last few days have restored my tastes again mostly so that food is a bit more enjoyable again.  Thankful for that! 
     A disappointment over the Christmas break was that the chemo that was planned for last week Thursday ended up being postponed because my white cell count (the infection fighters) was too low.  This is the first time that this has happened and I was pretty flustered.  I ended up leaving the chemo suite, poor brother-in-law in a confused tow as I was just not used to dealing with this news.  I want so desparately to stay on track with chemo, to beat this cancer down, but there are major risks associated with giving chemo when the white count is low so it was the doctor's call and we had to abide by that.  I suppose in the long run, with all of us having been coughing here in our house for weeks, me close to six-seven weeks now, it was a good thing to delay and get some well needed rest (thank you so much overnight ladies!) and recover the counts.   On Friday evening, when we were going to have my sister and her husband over for games, I started feeling quite unwell and figured out finally that i was brewing a fever.  So instead of watching points rack up or settlements being built, we watched the old thermometer and when it reached the magic number, off Rachel and I trekked to ER on a Friday night in -22 degree weather to see what was up.  Thankfully we were treated very quickly, it wasn't too busy and the doctor and nurses were great.  They took us seriously and did a chest xray and some bloodwork to see what was up.  My blood counts were slightly improved but I did get some IV antibiotics and fluids and some more oral antibiotics and the doctor told me that my ears were swollen as well - so in great shape for sure.  Four hours later, we tucked into bed, feeling like it had been a worthwhile trip to ER.  New Year's Eve was spent lying low at home, with Oma and Opa Mussche and dear Auntie Helen.  
   And so we step forward into a new year... not really sure what it will bring, praying for better health and strength to keep going on this journey, this epic journey into the world of cancer, and yet seeking not to let it take our humanity, our joy, our comfort, our peace away from us.  Seeking to follow the paths that God has set out for us, not our ways, but yours, O God!  Thankful for messages of blessing from our pastor and former pastor over the New Year's weekend... messages of encouragement also in the face of the darkness, the sorrow, the pain of this past year.  We know and always acknowledge all the blessings that have been there in spite of the darkness - friendly faces, quick treatment, smart and capable doctors and nurses who care for us, medicines to fight this disease, time to recover, time to reflect, time to sleep... and so it is now too.. time to sleep.  Our overnight relief has just arrived and settled in and it's time for sleep for me too.  I'll just share one of the scriptures that was our peace andj joy this weekend... May it be yours as well. 

Dear brother-in-law decorated our van!

Fooling around a bit tonight... our little doll and big sister!

Psalm 77[a]

For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.

1 I cried out to God for help;
    I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
    at night I stretched out untiring hands,    and I would not be comforted.

3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
    I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.[b]
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
    I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
    the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
    My heart meditated and my spirit asked:

7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
    Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
    Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
    the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”

13 Your ways, God, are holy.
    What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
    you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
    the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

16 The waters saw you, God,
    the waters saw you and writhed;
    the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
    the heavens resounded with thunder;
    your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
    your lightning lit up the world;
    the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
    your way through the mighty waters,
    though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron.