Through The Waters

       Puzzles.  Something I have always enjoyed.  The very almost hypnotic, comforting and very process full rummaging through the open puzzle box in order to locate the edges, to find that elusive last edge piece, to put together patterns and blocks of colour and eventually to fit those pieces together bit by bit, sometimes painstakingly, sometimes easily, sometimes frustratingly to create a total image or picture.  It's so super satisfying when you finally push in that last piece and you see the picture whole in front of you, after hours or maybe even days of trying to figure out the pattern.  You run your hand over the completed puzzle and it's pretty neat and tidy and organized....and by now, I'm rambling on with the best of them.  The last few weeks have really gotten the puzzle bug in me to work.  I'm not sure if it's been due to the weather, so up and down or due to the fact that I've been waiting by the phone (not always so p...

     It's early Saturday morning, and we've been up in our household here for at least an hour.  It started with a basket full of baby gurgles and happy laughter beside our bed, which triggered the all familiar door squeak of Martha's door handle as she dragged her stuffies and blanket into our room to attempt to worm in between us in our bed and aah, yes, the blissful idea of a Saturday morning sleep in is dashed into pieces.  But I must admit, I love sleepy snuggles and soft breathing and a hug from our oldest daughter.  And the lovely smiles that are happy that Mom has finally brought a bottle after sleeping mostly through the night.  Yes, she's getting a little more reliable as far as sleeping - will go from 10:30/11-anywhere between 4:30-7:30.  So not quite the middle of the night, endless exhausting every two hours feeding.  And you can tell she's getting fed enough, the rolls are getting bigger, cheeks are filling in and she's s...

         It's early, 6:17 am to be precise and yet, sleep is elusive this early dark morning.  I've been lying in bed for an hour now and savoring the feel of my husband's hand in mine (he probably didn't even know he was holding my hand - I'm sneaky like that) and listening to the breathing of our baby, her soft sighs and occasional rustling in her basket are comforting sounds.  Tonight was peaceful, not like the previous one when the kids seemed to sense our own restlessness, our own dreads, our own fears sweating out of our pores, and they were up every two hours like clockwork, then a bottle, then a wet bed.  I will admit to being a bit of a pessimist (?) at times, knowing that in our hearts we were restless because we were waiting - back to waiting, waiting to know what the CT has shown, almost not daring to hope, praying for peace, for miracles, for calm, for the ability to rest in the Lord.  Yet fears creep in, doubts tug at our min...

Whirling, whizzing, spinning Revolving, searching, delving Delving deep inside me Inside my very tissues Seeking, probing for darkness As I lie on this table in this circle of energy And ponder what it will find Anxious thoughts rise up And threaten to overwhelm the hum The whirring round my body Searching for the enemy within Hiding in cells, tissues, organs Causing an inward chaos And Disorder And yet there is One who knows me intricately, inside and out Not only my physical body But my wounded, spiritual self My inner spirit weary and worn Appearances can be deceiving Be forewarned As anxiety rises with each spin of this whirling machine Peace, be still, echoes across the expanses of my thoughts And I breathe, as instructed As created, as ordained A breath of life amidst The fear of the unknown.      Some musings and wanderings of the mind as I lay under the shadow of the CT yesterday.  Yes, there have b...

I sit here this morning accompanied by my little 3 year old sidekick... busy colouring away at the table in one of her zillion colouring books - but I must say that her colouring abilities have improved greatly over the last few months - staying in the lines (mostly) and chattering away while she's working.  Pleasant company for an early morning... watching the sun peeking up over the neighbour's house, snow still sticking around for now, classical music playing on the radio, with remnants of last night's record listening session leaning against the bookshelf - some good old Beethoven as an sidekick to a good game of Scrabble in which I finally kicked my dear husband's butt with a decisive victory thanks to "juice" and "flanges" placed in ideal situations.  Felt good to finally beat him as he was the victor the last few games we've played.  I do love word games and it's a bit sad when I lose (a little bit competitive here maybe - you're a...

    It's Saturday morning and it's still relatively quiet in the house.  Martha is babbling around me, talking about this, that and the other thing.  Looking forward to our possible trip to Ikea and to the RBG to visit Pablo, the turtle, her best friend.  Best friend status tends to be a fickle thing in our household lately - I find mine rescinded quite regularly whenever I say no to something "you're not my best friend anymore!"  Uncle Mark and my sister's dog Mitzi end up claiming best friend status the most of all but Ava's starting to work her way into the best friend position.  Martha truly loves her little sister and is in general very gentle and friendly with her.  So this is the company I have this morning, along with the gentle lights of the Christmas tree - probably the last day for it to be up - I'm pretty sad to see it go this year as it has been a great tree and has been so cozy in the early hours of the morning or last hours of the e...

  Winter wonderland on the meadows It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas   It's 2018... hard to believe but we've made it to this year in one piece... I'll admit it was a bit touch and go there earlier in the year but we're here... we have a brand new baby to show for it and a scar outside and many inside and yet we are here... celebrating the coming of a New Year.  We would like to wish for a blessed New Year for all our friends and family, near and far, spread across the globe, like a total world network of compassion that surrounds us.  Timothy and I sit quietly now in the living room, the Christmas tree still glowing but the presents are all unwrapped and stowed away here and there. The busyness of the Christmas time with family dinners and gifts and poems is now a thing of 2017, a memory tucked away to remember and dwell on and rejoice in.  Someone's found her hands and tongue Our dear girls       We were truly ...