Thanksgiving morning...

   

It's early... yep, 7:09 am to be precise... I've been awake and tossing and turning since about 6:40 and then my stomach decided that "yes, I am super hungry and I need pie" and that was it.. out of bed, to the fridge, grab some early morning pie and sit here and chat for a bit... in the stillness, in the dark, with the rain pouring steadily down and creating a soothing lullaby.  Rain on Thanksgiving seems a strange thing but maybe this year has been a study in contrasts.  We had a cooler summer (for which this pregnant lady was thankful) but the last few weeks has showed us what a lack of rain will do - my poor garden is looking awfully tired and burnt out and our lawn, which we had nurtured back to a half-decent state over the summer, is now brown and crispy like August grass.  So when I hear the rain steadily falling, I'm thankful.  Number one thing to be thankful for.  I'm also thankful for the pie that settled my stomach down - thankful for the hands that made it and bought it for us and thankful for the fall season. 
     Fall is truly my favourite season - the colours, the smells, the cider, the knobbly gourds (I've taught Martha that word over the last few weeks as she asks me why our pumpkin/gourd is so lumpy and bumpy - I've taught her that that makes it full of character and interesting - a trait I've inherited from my Mom, no doubt - an appreciation for the crooked and different things of life).  I'm thankful for so many things this morning - and I'm thankful that I can be thankful, that I'm here to be thankful - that back in May, when my body was being threatened with this deadly disease called cancer, when so much was unknown, that God brought us into the care of such superb doctors and nurses, that my life was saved along with the life of our unborn daughter.  I'm never going to forget their work, their knowledge, their confidence, their skills, their compassion and their expertise in saving both of our lives through the surgery that resulted and through the chemo that has kept the cancer at bay.  Never thought I'd be at the point where I'd say I'm thankful for chemo but I am - thankful that our doctors advised us on treatment plans when things seemed so bleak, thankful that the cancer has shrunk somewhat and that despite the pregnancy, that there was hope offered to us.  \
    Oh, not to say that I still don't have my black moments, my moments when I'm just knocked off my feet by the overwhelmingness of having cancer and a baby at the same time - a dichotomy that never fails to make me catch my breath at the depths of the contrasts of our situation.  When I lie awake at night and ponder "why us?'" and "why now" and "where did this come from" and many other questions....When I ask Timothy why in the world we have never invested in Kleenex stocks since we've gone through so many in the last months.  We would have been millionaires... maybe help us pay for our new wheels - Timothy's birthday yielded more than just him turning 40 but also brought a van into our lives -yep, it's gray - what else would it be?  But its unique licence plate will have my nurse colleagues squirming with its implication,  CDFF...  hmmm... do I hear some chuckles from the Juravinski area?  The awful hospital bug, CDIFF rears its ugly head - but guess I'll never forget our licence number ever... sorry for that silly little side note - but hey, you have to find some humour in the daily life and that sure made an impression on me when I went to pick up our sweet new ride.  So, yes, another thing to be thankful for - a new vehicle and yes, humour to keep our spirits up in the ups and downs of life.
     I feel like I could go on and on about thankfulness in some ways
- thankful for a handsome, supportive, loving and strong spouse whose faith I have seen so strengthened in these months

- for a perky, vibrant, enthusiastic, sometimes extremely testing but spunky blonde haired daughter who brings life and joy to us daily with her big words, big eyes and big ideas (some new words lately include "absolutely" and "catchy" and "consternation" - gotta love a normal three year old vocabulary)
- for the little miracle of Ava Grace - living her name within me, bearing witness to God's faithfulness to the unborn, growing, getting bigger, letting us know her presence with kicks and jabs and in general being such a blessing to us... can't wait to cuddle this little one - in theory we will meet her on the morrow - if there is room for us at the hospital to be induced... we'll have to pray our way through the impatience of waiting to meet her if we are postponed - I'm really hoping not but we can't count on anything - just praying for peace and patience and a safe delivery and a healthy daughter!
- for our cozy home
- for our dear, dear supportive family - what would we do without you all?  Our family, who have bent over backwards to accomodate us, allowing us to free-load dinners, have babysat, provided endless rides and texts and phone calls and love and prayers this past summer - we've seen our family come together, become stronger through the trials of which there have been many this year - I often think about Queen Elizabeth who had (many years ago) her annus horriblis... in which a multitude of difficult things happened in her personal and family life.  But our family has pulled us through, have been a shield and guard around us, have loved and supported us in countless ways...no more words.
- for our dear friends and colleagues... so much love there too - blankets knitted, sweaters knitted, cards written continuously, a continuous stream of prayers ascending to heaven on our behalf from around the globe literally (Africa, Russia, Australia, Holland, the USA, Canada, Haiti, Iraq and so many places that to contemplate it is overwhelming), meals, house cleaning, random little gifts being dropped off, hugs, texts, emails, babysitting, rides and unwavering support has helped us slog through this cancer journey which often bogs us down, discourages us and makes us despair but to know that there is such support
- for our God, who has upheld us in His loving arms, who has taught us again and again from His Word, to turn to Him, to bring our burdens to Him and He will carry them, He will pick us up when we fall, He will guide us on our paths when the blackness seems so thick that you could cut it with a knife, whose love never fails, whose compassions are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness (I know that if we sing this in church this morning, I'll lose it!), whose grace has sustained our faltering spirits and feet, whose strength has been lent to us when we were so weak and despairing, whose salvation is our joy and our light in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death, whose sustaining hand has kept our Ava Grace in his palm the whole time and brought us into this place where we realize that we cannot do anything without His strength, blessing and love.  We pray too that He may be glorified in our suffering and that we may be used as instruments in the lives of many to show His love.
And what more can I say to this?  I think I might leave it here... tomorrow we may have more updates depending on what happens at MacMaster... we covet your prayers for a relatively smooth and uneventful delivery and we hope and trust that we will soon hold our baby in our arms, weeping tears of joy and thanks on this Thanksgiving week....