Morning has broken...

     Morning has broken on this early Saturday morning... once again a hungry stomach has hauled me out of the comfort of cozy warm blankets and soft pillows to be filled with all the delicious snacks that are on our counter from the last few days of people spoiling us.  Now that that appetite has been sated, it's time for a little update.  Time does slip by, quickly, like water through fingers, and yet sometimes passes oh so slowly.  I've been glad for moments this week when I can simply sit and soak up the joy and the wonder of our baby, our soft, sweet baby girl who has brought such joy into our lives and indeed has been a witness in the flesh of God's faithfulness to us.  He brought her here to us at a time when we think everything is just not suited to have a baby in the midst of all this chaos and yet, her soft skin, her gassy smiles, her sweet nature, her big dark eyes, her hands tucked up by her face when she sleeps have all be little gifts, little reminders that she is here, she is our miracle baby.  She's been drinking her formula like a champ and yesterday when the midwife weighed her, she was nearly back up to birth weight, which I think, for a little mite like her, is pretty impressive!

getting weighed at home earlier in the week

And now, this morning, reminiscing on the past week, we were blessed to spend the day at home together on Monday, necessitated by a doctor's strict admonition that I would have someone with me for 24 hours lest bleeding become a problem at home.  So Timothy and I spent the day together, doing little jobs here and there, some serious adulting stuff... dealing with wills and banks and such (sometimes I like to pretend I'm still 20 and don't have to worry bout this stuff but then reality sets in and we truly realize that these things are necessary!)  Tuesday and Wednesday were quieter days, me being at home with Ava on my own, but she's such a great sleeper that it's not a difficult thing to be by myself, other than dealing with my moods.  That's been a struggle for sure this week - I remember with Martha at times feeling frantic and lost and oh so emotional.  Well, this time round, hormones combined with anxieties about so many things have contributed to me being a bit of a teary mess for certain parts of the day.  Oh, don't worry, I'm keeping a good eye on my mood and my general outlook on things and it's not all day long, and I'm not not getting out of bed (even though it's tempting to keep curling up there and hiding from things).  I'm getting little jobs done here and there and getting through my days - I'm always super happy when Timothy gets home and I can talk to him - and there are lots of people all day long texting and checking in on me too so I'm well looked after.       But sometimes, yes, sometimes, sitting there alone at home, wondering about the CT coming up, wondering what the results will show being off of chemo for a period of nearly a month, in fact to the date, a month - last chemo was September 12 and Ava's birthday was October 12.  Interesting... I digress... yes, feeling anxious that the cancer might have taken a little foothold, that we've allowed it some freedom and now it's going to want to be expanding.  These are genuine fears, along with the fact that we're planning Ava's baptism for, D.V. this coming Sunday and then I will be standing next to my beloved making vows about caring for our child's spiritual wellbeing and witnessing God's covenant promises to our little one and it brings up all sorts of feelings - like "will I be here in five years to keep my promises?"   So many emotions and I'm a little worried I might need an entire kleenex box on Sunday morning.  But to be surrounded by the friends and family who love us, the dear congregation who uphold us again and again and again, and to be loved and blessed by our God, our faithful One who has brought us thus far and will continue to guide our steps in the ways He has for us... is peace-bringing, life-affirming, joy-filling.  He knows what we need and supplies it with grace and generosity - when I need comfort, there are the arms of my husband, replicating in a small way, the comfort that comes from the heavenly Bridegroom, there are the snuggles of my 3 year old and the gentle breaths of our baby, like previews of heaven.  And so we travel onwards, through the difficult and the delicate moments..
    A little update on Martha, our dear little one whom I miss so keenly this morning... She's been spending nearly two weeks with her cousins and Aunt and Uncle this week.  I'm told she does ask for us and ask to go home to "Green Meadow" frequently but I know too that she's in great hands and has been having a ball, with four "big brothers" to watch out for her and care for her.  She's been doing great as far as eating and toilet training and lego building and trampoline jumping and book reading and game playing and learning so many new things.  Apparently, last Sunday she was sitting in church with the family and heard the minister pray for our little family and she was pretty excited about that, along with sharing with the entire congregation during the offering how much money she had been given for the collection "A moose, I got a moose!"  Heehee, the joys of a 3 year old.  She's coming home today and I can't wait to see her and hear her stories and know that she's home!  A little Martha picture montage since I haven't loaded the latest pictures of Ava up here yet...

Fun at the park

A beautiful day!

Four boys and a lady

So busy!  And loving the ponytail!

   And last but not least, our latest hospital saga... it never seems to end, I'm learning.  Late Thursday night, I experienced some more big clot bleeding at home which incited some panic and calls to the doctor.  After chatting with a bunch of doctors, it was decided that I had to go and be assessed at MUMC.  I didn't really want to do this initially on Thursday night because the big CT was booked for 8 am on Friday morning.  So we stuck it out at home til Friday morning and I went for the CT - full of anxiety and emotions - just laying there on the table, hooked up to an IV, listening to the instructions to breathe or hold my breath and wondering the whole time, "what is that tech seeing?",   "how far have things come or gone?"  "the last time I was down here was with a patient in May on a night shift, same tech, same room, different day, different time, roles reversed now, now I'm the patient, and why is this happening and please let the results be good".  Deep breaths, whispered prayers, surrounded by community prayers, I made it through and now we wait til Monday morning for results.  Glad we have a busy weekend to keep my mind occupied!  And so back to the hospital saga, we got admitted, had bloodwork done, and then waited, and waited and waited.  And ultrasound was eventually done showing that there might be more clots to come and then we waited and waited.. my dear sister-in-law was a trooper and stayed with myself and Ava the whole time - as we wondered why everything was taking so long.  After an interesting cafeteria supper of huge chunks of kielbassa, some spring rolls and some stale rice crackers, we finally met the doctor at 8:30 and were told that my bloodwork was fine (hemoglobin was up to 113!  Back to pre baby numbers!) and that the ultrasound showed more clots but that I would be fine to go home as long as we kept an eye on things.  So we bolted out of there - not happy to have spent 8.5 hours waiting for bloodwork and an ultrasound but glad that all seemed pretty settled.  So now we're home, grocery day, Martha coming home day, sleep in day, prepare for next week day.  I'm so thankful to be here in the quiet morning, everyone else still sleeping and to share a little update.  Great is thy Faithfulness!!  In case anyone is curious, our church does have a live-stream of the service tomorrow morning at 10 am... so if you want to fellowship with us and witness God's promises to our little one, you'd be more than welcome!!   The address is http://rehobothurc.ca/  and there is a video feed at the top of the website!