The house is quiet, the fan is blowing yet again, wishing it could blow the cobwebs out of my brain, and Martha and Timothy are off to the babysitter and work (without a fight this morning! Yay! The last few mornings have been knock down, drag out fights about whether she eats her breakfast or whether clothing is optional, involving a lot of tears and angry looks, making all of our days start off on the wrong foot - just what we all need, aaah, yes, I've been warned multiple times that three is worse than two... more lippy, more capacity to argue, more determined, more picky, you name it... the list goes on and on!)
 |
| actually got clippies in her hair for once.... our dear girl |
 |
| it's birthday morning! Yay for balloons and sprinkles! |
 |
| Showing off her artwork that Daddy taught her how to do... we'll soon have two artists in the family! |
The last weekend was full of celebrations as we had two parties to celebrate our dear Martha turning the grand age of three. There was a lot of cake, presents (from so many people, thanks so much, she got royally spoiled!), visits, balloon, streamers, Paw Patrol, cousins, slip and slides, bouncy castles, pizza and in general a lot of fun. But to be sure, by the end of the weekend, it was definitely a case of too much birthday, for all of us... so glad Sunday was more mellow... But in truth, it was great to be able to celebrate with everyone the birth of our first daughter. Our dear fiery, super smart, vocabulary rich, patience poor, great hugger, drama queen, beautiful and wonderful little girl. Our firstborn for whom we prayed. Our firstborn whom we have struggled to figure out and yes, learn how to be parents, how to be selfless, strong, wise, patient (man, I miss that mark soooo often) and oh so humble. To realize that we don't do this parenting thing in our own strength, that so often we need to be on our knees, pleading, begging for wisdom in situations that arise, in daily life.
 |
| She's looking right at us and has her little hand up by her face...that's how Martha was born, with an arm up by her head... hmmm... family similarities. She was also playing with her toes at one point during this ultrasound! |
 |
| Maybe a bit hard to make out but this is a shot of her feet...tap dancer in the making? |
This week has brought with it a lot... Monday, as I wrote, was a busy day of appointments...tough to have so much up and down, so much anticipation and fear in one day, by the end of the day, I was toast. Monday morning was an ultrasound at MUMC. The tech was super sweet and my dear sister Lauren was able to come along to see her newest niece on the screen... always so special to get a little peek on our little one, all tucked in and cozy inside, praying that she will stay that way for a while yet - the doctors still aren't giving us any definitive times or ideas, so when I'm asked, I usually just say something along the lines of "we'll go as far as we can with the pregnancy". We're at 27.5 weeks now so each day we breathe a little easier, each day we pray that we will be given more time for her to grow and mature. It is likely that she will be delivered a little earlier, possibly in the mid-30s, but if the doctors are happy with her growth and development, which they are, she was doing great on Monday, then they'll let us go further. So prayers for our dear little baby, that she may be kept safe and grow strong. Although I will admit, she's pretty strong already - I often see my stomach jumping around when she's making her presence known and I'm amazed by the power of a baby who is only measuring around 2 pounds. Incredible miracle of life. I am totally awestruck by the wonder of this pregnancy and the miracle that it is!
Monday afternoon was a visit to the oncologist and the JCC. Still hard to sit there in the bloodwork lineup with a pregnant belly, a full head of hair (it's only thinning, thankfully, so far) and being as young as I am. I look around at all the other faces, wondering again about their stories and why they're here. Knowing that we're all there for the same awful disease makes you ponder the realities of sickness and suffering in this world. Our oncologist appointment was the last one of the day so we waited over an hour and a half to see him... we contemplated at one point whether we would be required to lock up the building, whether we'd have to order pizza in to the room to tide us over and I claimed the examining table to sleep on if we were indeed stuck overnight. At last we met with him; there were no significant new items to discusss... we once again reviewed the treatment schedule, still every two weeks if I'm doing ok... which I seem to be. There was more nerve tingling and some new hand cramping with this past cycle, but so far nothing that seems permanent or damaging. Some late onset nausea which I hope to get a jump on this time by taking more anti nausea meds preventatively. But overall, energy level was okay and I even gained some weight (I know, years ago, who would have thought I'd be so happy to gain weight... but now 3 pounds is a big bonus!) So on to Cycle # 3 of chemotherapy.
Tuesday morning we were in the JCC bright and early, things are already becoming a little more routine. Taking premeds before the chemo, finding a chair tucked in a corner courtesy of my friends in the chemo suite, getting hooked up to chemo #3 and getting it over with is part of the process now. I didn't even cry this time when I got hooked up (ignoring the big crying bout the previous night and basically every night this week). I could even help the lady next to me a little with a cheerful hello and a little bit of chit chat about the routines here as it was her first time. I sensed that she wanted to talk more - we did not share the same chemo but I think there is still some common ground there to be sure. Maybe I'll see her next time and we'll have a chance to talk a bit more. As always, I'm so thankful for my dear Mom who has seen me through the 3 treatments I've had so far. I love having her at my side, poking through the crossword together, watching the world through very similar eyes and yet very different at the same time, sharing some homemade carrot cake and biding our time until the treatment is done. This time I've been a bit more tired, a bit more achy, a bit more crampy in the hands and a bit more shaky as I write, all of which worry me a bit, but I'm hoping they'll settle as time goes on. I'm currently waiting for the VON nurse to come and disconnect the chemo bottle, which will be fantastic, allowing me to have a shower and feel human again. Last night again, we were spoiled with a delicious homemade dinner made by loving hands - so yummy, homemade meatballs, potatoes, fresh garden beans and salad... mmmmmmm. Thanks so much as always to all who help us out... we couldn't do it without you!
This weekend, Timothy and I are hoping to be able to spend the night in Kitchener and then attend a play in Stratford on Saturday. So nice to have something to look forward to - we received some money along the way and we are putting it towards a nice weekend with just the two of us. I'm very excited about it and pray that I will be feeling up to all the activity and that we will be able to enjoy the two of us, to celebrate and take hold of these precious moments in our lives. To enjoy the time we have together, with no regrets. To talk, to laugh, to share thoughts and meals, to be enriched and built up for the future. I am so thankful for my dear husband, whom the Lord brought into my life at just the right time. I love him so deeply and even more so over the trials of the last few months, I've come to realize that he's just the right partner for me, a great father for our girls, that God has given him strength to give me support and hope, comfort and joy in the midst of sorrow. I pray for him, for blessing, for encouragement, for strength in this storm. Please pray with me for our family!
Comments
Post a Comment