It's been a week already
Wow, how did that happen? A week slipped by and I haven't updated or written. There have been a few times where I've sat down and thought that it was a good time to write but nothing would come from my head or my fingers and so I'd leave the computer alone again for a while and left "blog update" on my handy dandy list of things to do - when you have a combo of baby and chemo brain, it's not a good thing in the remembering department! But here I am at last - I think it's important to remember that the longer it goes between updates, maybe the more stable things are around here? So a bit of a delay is a good thing. We know that there continue to be a multitude of prayers going up for us and we so appreciate being surrounded by our community and knowing that support is always there. Our community is amazing to be sure.
This morning my sister Rachel is coming and we are heading to MUMC for an ob appointment. I'm not entirely sure what will be the outcome of that appointment since there is no ultrasound this time - first time in a long time so how they will determine Ava's growth and development is a mystery to me - perhaps xray eyes or something like that? I did have thoughts the last time we visited that we were not doing some of the routine things that we always did at the midwives - checking fundal height and dipping urine each time. But when I put it past the ob, she said that we were monitoring through ultrasound and that those other things weren't necesssary. It just feels at times that we miss some of the normal routine of checkups at the midwife. But I suppose also that it's a good sign that they are letting us go without an ultrasound - they must be happy with the way things are progressing - we are still hanging in there and hit the milestone of 28 weeks on Monday - meaning the beginning of 3rd trimester. I was pretty pleased when we realized that's where we are. Going from a time when we weren't sure if Ava would make it through surgery to now where she gives me some pretty huge hoofs in all areas of my stomach is pretty amazing. God is good to be sure - He has kept His hand on our little precious one and has been guarding her life (as her name means) and has given us much grace to work through these impossible situations. My stomach is growing and that means that I even occasionally get comments on my belly now - I will say that when I was pregnant with Martha, I think people just thought maybe I ate too much but this time since I've lost a lot of weight prior to this all, my belly is a bit more prominent and I will say that it is a good feeling. I love looking a bit more pregnant and it helps me to feel that this is yes, for real and that we are in the right direction, finally gaining some weight and moving forward.
Ava is a very active baby and she's always moving, so much so that I feel some increased pain in the old surgical area as things are expanding and changing in there. So that's not a fun outcome - but I'm thankful that I'm still able to be largely up and around - I even spent some time in the garden the other day - the weeds were beckoning me to come and yank them out and the weather was nice and breezy and cool and so I spent a bit of time creeping around on hands and knees and as a result, things look a bit more tidy and neat now. I love touring back there and seeing what has popped up or grown or changed from the previous days. I love all the variety of colour and many times flowers make their way inside the house to be displayed for our viewing pleasure on the counter or table. I taught Martha the song about "God paints the lilies of the field..." the other day and I love that she just picks up songs so quickly and that we can teach her little things about the God who loves and cares for her too.
.........
And now it's evening, late actually and it's been a full day. The OB appointment took over 2 hours of waiting time so I was very glad to have some company - I look around me and see so many other women dealing with difficult pregnancies and I'm once again thankful that I don't have to drive hours to get there and that there are doctors capable of caring for Ava and I here in Hamilton and that we don't have to go to Toronto or other such difficult arrangements. Always little good things mixed in with the stresses of the appointments... even found a familiar face there that I worked with years ago - Rachel commented on how I seem to know people wherever I go, but I sincerely believe that God puts friendly faces on our paths for reasons! It was great to see our nurse practitioner whom we haven't seen for a few weeks - nice to have consistency - even though it brings back a lot of memories of post-op monitoring at the Juravinski - I was so glad she was able to do that for us, brought a lot of peace of mind.
When we got home to Mom and Dad's, we received the news that we have been waiting for for a while now as a family. Mom has a heart valve that isn't functioning properly and needs to be replaced and one of her major cardiac vessels is also weak and needs to be strengthened/repaired. It involves open heart surgery at the General and she finally received her surgery date and time and it's this coming Monday. So a bit quicker than we had all anticipated with lots going on everywhere this week in our family - VBS teaching for my sister, chemo for me, and figuring out lots of other logistics as well. So we as a family covet your prayers, not only for our crazy situation, but also for my dear parents who have been such a support to us in our hours of need. It's hard to think of your parent undergoing such a serious operation in the midst of already stormy waters and I can't help but thinking of a devotional that a friend of mine posted last week talking about comfort in the midst of the storms and how the oft quoted phrase of "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" is actually a bit of a misquote. That is in regards to temptations (1 Corinthians 10) but in reality, Paul even states in 2 Corinthians 1:8, "for we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself." and why? "to make us rely not on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:9). I am going to try and include the link to the article here since it states things much much better than I ever can...https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle If you have time, take a read..it's an eye opener on the issue of suffering and trials.
On Sunday we visited my in-laws church and we had a message from a pastor going through struggles of his own, and yet he was still able to bring a message of hope and comfort to the congregation. I really appreciated his words and his focus on the text from Matthew 11:28-30. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Not always easy to do, to take the yoke upon you, but a comfort truly to know that Christ knows our burdens, our struggles, our worries, our frustrations, our complaints, our anger, our deep quiet feelings of despair that threaten to tangle up and strangle our souls and He takes that and reminds us that He is the Shepherd, who leads us in green pastures, and beside quiet waters and een in the valley of the shadow of death, He is with us and comforts us. Tonight, in the midst of tears, we knelt in prayer before our God and cried out to Him in our weakness, in our doubts, in our helplessness and He brings comfort, quells the tears, calms the inner turmoils of the soul if we turn to Him, our only refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of trouble.
Prayers for this week:
- strength for chemo # 4
- strength, healing and safety for my dear mom
- peace in the midst of the storms
- health and growth for our dear little miracle girl Ava
This morning my sister Rachel is coming and we are heading to MUMC for an ob appointment. I'm not entirely sure what will be the outcome of that appointment since there is no ultrasound this time - first time in a long time so how they will determine Ava's growth and development is a mystery to me - perhaps xray eyes or something like that? I did have thoughts the last time we visited that we were not doing some of the routine things that we always did at the midwives - checking fundal height and dipping urine each time. But when I put it past the ob, she said that we were monitoring through ultrasound and that those other things weren't necesssary. It just feels at times that we miss some of the normal routine of checkups at the midwife. But I suppose also that it's a good sign that they are letting us go without an ultrasound - they must be happy with the way things are progressing - we are still hanging in there and hit the milestone of 28 weeks on Monday - meaning the beginning of 3rd trimester. I was pretty pleased when we realized that's where we are. Going from a time when we weren't sure if Ava would make it through surgery to now where she gives me some pretty huge hoofs in all areas of my stomach is pretty amazing. God is good to be sure - He has kept His hand on our little precious one and has been guarding her life (as her name means) and has given us much grace to work through these impossible situations. My stomach is growing and that means that I even occasionally get comments on my belly now - I will say that when I was pregnant with Martha, I think people just thought maybe I ate too much but this time since I've lost a lot of weight prior to this all, my belly is a bit more prominent and I will say that it is a good feeling. I love looking a bit more pregnant and it helps me to feel that this is yes, for real and that we are in the right direction, finally gaining some weight and moving forward.
Ava is a very active baby and she's always moving, so much so that I feel some increased pain in the old surgical area as things are expanding and changing in there. So that's not a fun outcome - but I'm thankful that I'm still able to be largely up and around - I even spent some time in the garden the other day - the weeds were beckoning me to come and yank them out and the weather was nice and breezy and cool and so I spent a bit of time creeping around on hands and knees and as a result, things look a bit more tidy and neat now. I love touring back there and seeing what has popped up or grown or changed from the previous days. I love all the variety of colour and many times flowers make their way inside the house to be displayed for our viewing pleasure on the counter or table. I taught Martha the song about "God paints the lilies of the field..." the other day and I love that she just picks up songs so quickly and that we can teach her little things about the God who loves and cares for her too.
.........
And now it's evening, late actually and it's been a full day. The OB appointment took over 2 hours of waiting time so I was very glad to have some company - I look around me and see so many other women dealing with difficult pregnancies and I'm once again thankful that I don't have to drive hours to get there and that there are doctors capable of caring for Ava and I here in Hamilton and that we don't have to go to Toronto or other such difficult arrangements. Always little good things mixed in with the stresses of the appointments... even found a familiar face there that I worked with years ago - Rachel commented on how I seem to know people wherever I go, but I sincerely believe that God puts friendly faces on our paths for reasons! It was great to see our nurse practitioner whom we haven't seen for a few weeks - nice to have consistency - even though it brings back a lot of memories of post-op monitoring at the Juravinski - I was so glad she was able to do that for us, brought a lot of peace of mind.
When we got home to Mom and Dad's, we received the news that we have been waiting for for a while now as a family. Mom has a heart valve that isn't functioning properly and needs to be replaced and one of her major cardiac vessels is also weak and needs to be strengthened/repaired. It involves open heart surgery at the General and she finally received her surgery date and time and it's this coming Monday. So a bit quicker than we had all anticipated with lots going on everywhere this week in our family - VBS teaching for my sister, chemo for me, and figuring out lots of other logistics as well. So we as a family covet your prayers, not only for our crazy situation, but also for my dear parents who have been such a support to us in our hours of need. It's hard to think of your parent undergoing such a serious operation in the midst of already stormy waters and I can't help but thinking of a devotional that a friend of mine posted last week talking about comfort in the midst of the storms and how the oft quoted phrase of "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" is actually a bit of a misquote. That is in regards to temptations (1 Corinthians 10) but in reality, Paul even states in 2 Corinthians 1:8, "for we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself." and why? "to make us rely not on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead. (2 Corinthians 1:9). I am going to try and include the link to the article here since it states things much much better than I ever can...https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle If you have time, take a read..it's an eye opener on the issue of suffering and trials.
On Sunday we visited my in-laws church and we had a message from a pastor going through struggles of his own, and yet he was still able to bring a message of hope and comfort to the congregation. I really appreciated his words and his focus on the text from Matthew 11:28-30. "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Not always easy to do, to take the yoke upon you, but a comfort truly to know that Christ knows our burdens, our struggles, our worries, our frustrations, our complaints, our anger, our deep quiet feelings of despair that threaten to tangle up and strangle our souls and He takes that and reminds us that He is the Shepherd, who leads us in green pastures, and beside quiet waters and een in the valley of the shadow of death, He is with us and comforts us. Tonight, in the midst of tears, we knelt in prayer before our God and cried out to Him in our weakness, in our doubts, in our helplessness and He brings comfort, quells the tears, calms the inner turmoils of the soul if we turn to Him, our only refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of trouble.
Prayers for this week:
- strength for chemo # 4
- strength, healing and safety for my dear mom
- peace in the midst of the storms
- health and growth for our dear little miracle girl Ava
Thinking of you and your mom. Prayers sent
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