By the waters...

Today... today was a good day... for the most part - not too much to say that's epic or deep tonight, just enjoy a few images of our evening spent down by the waterfront in Hamilton, enjoying playing in the sunbeams and reflecting on the last time Timothy and I were down in the park - was the weekend before chemo was to start.  And now we're already into cycle#4.  Hard to believe that was over eight weeks ago.  We're also at 29.5 weeks of pregnancy - what a blessing to have made it this far - truly the hand of our God is on our little Ava.  And to be honest, things have been fairly well tolerated - I'm not totally incapacitated or in bed all day long, some days I'm able to be up and about all day, most days I need a nap in the afternoon to be human for the rest of the day but no crippling nausea, no huge hair loss, no terrible mouth sores.  I'm guessing that might still come if and when chemo changes but we won't know that likely until after Ava is born.  So for now, we soldier on, dealing with fatigue, some funny mouth feelings, the cold sensitivity that seems to worsen with each cycle and lots of ups and downs in the moods.  Some days I can be smack dab in the middle of something busy and involving and then my mind takes a veer off the acceptable thought track and I am right back in Dr Neary's office - remembering those words and feeling devastated.  It's like a trauma that has taken place and won't be expunged from my memory... ever.  It's indelible, like an ink stain that permanently scars your shirt or paper or whatever else it touches.  This has touched our whole life and try as I might to forget about it or immerse myself in something alternate, it has a sneaky way of creeping up again.. .kinda like one of those whack-a-mole games at the fair - you hit at one and it disappears and it creeps up again in a different spot.  And so, I live, on guard for these feelings and needing the strength to change lanes when possible, from the cancer lane to the life lane and to reorient myself to living today and now... versus petrified and sad about the future.

Today we visited Mom in the hospital, she is doing better and we thank everyone for their prayers and thoughts and cards and visits to our dear Mom and Oma.   Once again, our community has stepped up and supported us through babysitting this week, child care for Martha, meals and so many many encouraging notes and prayers.  God has placed us where we need to be at this moment in time - might not always feel like it but we are blessed in the midst of the storm.  Mom might potentially come home either Sunday or Monday but will need lots of good recovery time at home to recuperate from this big operation.  We are thankful that she is doing so well at present - not sleeping too great in a busy ward room but she was up walking with physio today and that was encouraging.  Her heartrate has settled down and blood pressure was better today and she was off oxygen.  Hard to believe she just went in on Monday.  That they opened her chest and fixed her heart and now she's here - we continue to pray for her healing and strength, for her spirits to be encouraged and for good care in hospital and at home.  

So I'll leave you with one more sunset picture - I got a little carried away tonight but the skies were beautiful - that's something that Mom always encouraged me/us to look at - the skies and the trees and to appreciate the beauty and wonder of creation and so I'll give you the celestial masterpiece as painted by our God and hope that you'll have a chance to look up in the skies and know our God, whose handiwork is all around us, in nature, in people, in His plan for our lives, even when that seems so unknown to us.