A quick update
On a balmy sweaty summer evening, a short update. We're just back from an ice cream date - Timothy's brilliant suggestion as tomorrow I'll be back to no more cold stuff for about five days. How that stinks in the hot weather! But I'm also terrified of the feelings of cold shock and throat spasms so I'll stay away until the time is up. So one last dose of ice cream to tide me over. Our friend Helen came with us and Martha was very excited and happy to be out with the three of us. I think that half of Hamilton was also having the same idea as the line for ice cream was out the door! We also had a chance to eat supper outside and enjoy the soft breezes and birds chirping around us. So nice to enjoy food - something that will likely change again this week with the onset of Cycle Two of chemo. At least I know what to expect this time... the routine and the pre-meds and the drugs and the waiting. I'm not sure I'm quite as scared this time, but as Ava grows, each time I sit in the chair and feel her kicks as I feel the drugs going in, I'm struck by this dichotomy of feelings, this feeling of life and death, life of our baby and death of cancer cells, but also death to other parts of me and fears for our little one. Also the strange feeling of sitting waiting for bloodwork with maternity clothes on and being surrounded by others in various stages of their cancer journeys, some looking like they are at the end of their ropes, wondering if that's how I'll look in a few months, hoping not but still feeling overwhelmed.
I was glad to be able to join with the congregation on Sunday for not one but two services. We had a guest preacher who did a two-part series on 1 Samuel 1 and 2. It was so great to be able to hear the Word preached two services in a row (it's been probably months since I've made it twice on a Sunday!) and this was a fantastic Sunday to go. Our refugee sponsor family was in church and were warmly welcomed to Canada and it was so neat to see them finally sitting there amongst us after years of waiting! To imagine their life in Iraq and the persecutions they faced, the brokenness of war and the sadness of it. Always good to realize that suffering comes in many quarters, in many portions, in many areas of our lives. My war is against this cancer, this invader, this persecutor of my health and body. I am still so angry at it some days. Yet I know that our hope must be found in Christ... who went through so much suffering and had to drink the cup that was given to Him despite crying out for mercy, so that we would not have to drink that cup of judgement but were instead given grace and mercy in our time of need. Tonight, as I read a devotional that someone passed on to me at church yesterday... I leave you with these words...
"whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1. And the meditation with it "I am not alone, because You are with me. I am not weak, because Your strength is infused in me. I am not empty, because I'm drinking daily from your Fullness. You are my dwelling place. And in You, I have shelter from every stormy circumstance and harsh reality."
I was glad to be able to join with the congregation on Sunday for not one but two services. We had a guest preacher who did a two-part series on 1 Samuel 1 and 2. It was so great to be able to hear the Word preached two services in a row (it's been probably months since I've made it twice on a Sunday!) and this was a fantastic Sunday to go. Our refugee sponsor family was in church and were warmly welcomed to Canada and it was so neat to see them finally sitting there amongst us after years of waiting! To imagine their life in Iraq and the persecutions they faced, the brokenness of war and the sadness of it. Always good to realize that suffering comes in many quarters, in many portions, in many areas of our lives. My war is against this cancer, this invader, this persecutor of my health and body. I am still so angry at it some days. Yet I know that our hope must be found in Christ... who went through so much suffering and had to drink the cup that was given to Him despite crying out for mercy, so that we would not have to drink that cup of judgement but were instead given grace and mercy in our time of need. Tonight, as I read a devotional that someone passed on to me at church yesterday... I leave you with these words...
"whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1. And the meditation with it "I am not alone, because You are with me. I am not weak, because Your strength is infused in me. I am not empty, because I'm drinking daily from your Fullness. You are my dwelling place. And in You, I have shelter from every stormy circumstance and harsh reality."
Hi Danielle, As you go to the hospital today, our prayers go with you. We will uphold, love you, and pray for you. You are never alone, and always in the hands of our loving and living Saviour, Jesus. We know that He is interceding for you also and the Holy Spirit is praying with all us for you. You are His child, His precious possession.
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