Sleepy Saturday
It's Saturday evening here in the Meadows... the birds are singing their evening songs, made sweet by the beautiful weather that filled our day today. There is quiet music playing on the stereo, Timothy is sitting across from me catching up on the news of the world (i feel like i have no clue what's going on in the outside world at present) and Martha is tucked into bed. Ava's making her presence known now and then with little kicks. And we're expecting friends to be dropping in tonight...
Timothy just reminded me that the blog was supposed to be called "The top of the cupboard". When i questioned him as to why this needed to be the title, he told me i needed to compose a poem about the top of our linen cupboard. Over the years, this space has become the traditional holding place for gifts that i pick up over the years, things on sale or things bought early, but for birthdays or things that i know are perfect for certain people. The top of the cupboard becomes quite a crowded place at times but I've been known to have gotten out of Christmas gift pickles multiple times with the bounty that is stored up there. He had picked up something today that I had purchased for Martha's birthday next month and tried to find room for it up there - a challenging task - and then he thought I should compose a poem in it's honour... I'll try for one stanza...
The top of the cupboard is a wonderful place
With mysterious gifts and lots of space
There are marvelous books, puzzles and toys
Some are for girls and some are for boys
If you are stuck for a gift in a pinch
Just poke through the pile and move things an inch
You'll find the things that you need
With most astonishing speed....
Okay, it's late.. it's now 12:18 and it's waaaay past my bedtime... but it was such an enjoyable evening sitting outside beside our first fire of the year (shhh, don't tell the fire department - we had Bugles beside the fire, does that count as barbecuing food?) chatting about things related to illness but a lot of things totally apart from illness, which is SO necessary. It's so easy to go down dark holes and valleys and not to emerge and realize that there is more to life than this diagnosis, that there is life outside our house, that there is something called normal that exists despite our world feeling like there is no normal. But it's so good and therapeutic to laugh (even though it hurts!) and to share thoughts and feelings and enjoy time with friends. It's good to enjoy the cool evening temperatures and going to bed smelling like smoke and even staying up way past bedtime. Who knows how we'll do tomorrow morning sitting in church but we've got a two-year-old to keep us on our toes there so that will be good. Sunday, a time to worship together. I miss our church family who have enveloped us with so much love and care these past weeks... the stacks of cards are falling over, the gifts are piled in the corner, the books are being read, the food is being eaten. And we feel love through all of that. Love in very concrete forms. Even people making appointments to donate blood - that's amazing! I'm so happy about that particular thing and pray that you might all take a few minutes to consider doing this - sharing a gift of life with another - maybe think of me when you donate if that helps, but know that it is so necessary!!!
So a few more thoughts before bed... i pray for a restful night - last night took me a long time to sleep since i was in one of my valleys again - always seems to strike in the dark reaches of the night. I think Satan knows to wait til those times when the emotional guard is at the weakest and sneak in with attacks of doubt and worry, anxiety and fear. And those times i hold on to those words about God being bigger than our troubles, about God being the quiet voice in the storm, about looking to Jesus in the storm as Peter did and not taking my eyes off of Him, lest I drown. For that is the feeling at times, that I will simply slip below the waves of this storm and be lost but I know that He is stronger than the storm, that one Word will calm the waves and that He is there in each and every moment, even when I don't acknowledge or understand His ways. For my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts greater than your thoughts. Teach me your ways, teach me to be still and know that you are God. Teach me to say those words to my cancer, lest it take over (wise words that someone shared with me this week and which have stuck with me!)
So for tonight - prayer requests:
- healing for my wound - it's still up and down with pain and I pray it will heal swiftly with few complications
- thanks for feeling Ava more and more - and for Martha, who loves baby Ava and when she's upset and has gone past wanting Mommy or Daddy, now calls out "I want my baby sister!". Tears... no words.... Thankful that they have a bond already...these precious girls of ours.
- peace and calm for my soul
- patience and support for my dear husband, who has been so patient already dealing with so much and has been such a partner and friend to me in this storm. I love him so much, more each day, I think.
- encouragement to eat more, still need to work on improving calorie intake and that's a challenge somedays, getting enough and more in...
Timothy just reminded me that the blog was supposed to be called "The top of the cupboard". When i questioned him as to why this needed to be the title, he told me i needed to compose a poem about the top of our linen cupboard. Over the years, this space has become the traditional holding place for gifts that i pick up over the years, things on sale or things bought early, but for birthdays or things that i know are perfect for certain people. The top of the cupboard becomes quite a crowded place at times but I've been known to have gotten out of Christmas gift pickles multiple times with the bounty that is stored up there. He had picked up something today that I had purchased for Martha's birthday next month and tried to find room for it up there - a challenging task - and then he thought I should compose a poem in it's honour... I'll try for one stanza...
The top of the cupboard is a wonderful place
With mysterious gifts and lots of space
There are marvelous books, puzzles and toys
Some are for girls and some are for boys
If you are stuck for a gift in a pinch
Just poke through the pile and move things an inch
You'll find the things that you need
With most astonishing speed....
Okay, it's late.. it's now 12:18 and it's waaaay past my bedtime... but it was such an enjoyable evening sitting outside beside our first fire of the year (shhh, don't tell the fire department - we had Bugles beside the fire, does that count as barbecuing food?) chatting about things related to illness but a lot of things totally apart from illness, which is SO necessary. It's so easy to go down dark holes and valleys and not to emerge and realize that there is more to life than this diagnosis, that there is life outside our house, that there is something called normal that exists despite our world feeling like there is no normal. But it's so good and therapeutic to laugh (even though it hurts!) and to share thoughts and feelings and enjoy time with friends. It's good to enjoy the cool evening temperatures and going to bed smelling like smoke and even staying up way past bedtime. Who knows how we'll do tomorrow morning sitting in church but we've got a two-year-old to keep us on our toes there so that will be good. Sunday, a time to worship together. I miss our church family who have enveloped us with so much love and care these past weeks... the stacks of cards are falling over, the gifts are piled in the corner, the books are being read, the food is being eaten. And we feel love through all of that. Love in very concrete forms. Even people making appointments to donate blood - that's amazing! I'm so happy about that particular thing and pray that you might all take a few minutes to consider doing this - sharing a gift of life with another - maybe think of me when you donate if that helps, but know that it is so necessary!!!
So a few more thoughts before bed... i pray for a restful night - last night took me a long time to sleep since i was in one of my valleys again - always seems to strike in the dark reaches of the night. I think Satan knows to wait til those times when the emotional guard is at the weakest and sneak in with attacks of doubt and worry, anxiety and fear. And those times i hold on to those words about God being bigger than our troubles, about God being the quiet voice in the storm, about looking to Jesus in the storm as Peter did and not taking my eyes off of Him, lest I drown. For that is the feeling at times, that I will simply slip below the waves of this storm and be lost but I know that He is stronger than the storm, that one Word will calm the waves and that He is there in each and every moment, even when I don't acknowledge or understand His ways. For my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts greater than your thoughts. Teach me your ways, teach me to be still and know that you are God. Teach me to say those words to my cancer, lest it take over (wise words that someone shared with me this week and which have stuck with me!)
So for tonight - prayer requests:
- healing for my wound - it's still up and down with pain and I pray it will heal swiftly with few complications
- thanks for feeling Ava more and more - and for Martha, who loves baby Ava and when she's upset and has gone past wanting Mommy or Daddy, now calls out "I want my baby sister!". Tears... no words.... Thankful that they have a bond already...these precious girls of ours.
- peace and calm for my soul
- patience and support for my dear husband, who has been so patient already dealing with so much and has been such a partner and friend to me in this storm. I love him so much, more each day, I think.
- encouragement to eat more, still need to work on improving calorie intake and that's a challenge somedays, getting enough and more in...
Continuing to pray! Looking forward to having you join your church family this morning, there is so much love for you there! Ps. That was an amazing on the spot poem!!! And a great idea to collect gifts like that ;)
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