Through The Waters

        It's Thursday mid-morning here in the Meadows... all is quiet down the hall, Ava's in bed and sleeping after a bit of a protest about being left on her own in a big bed - she's a difficult one to get to nap some days.  She's a busy girl lately, moving backwards and getting stuck under the coffee table or the piano bench.  It's neat to see her doing a lot of "firsts" but also makes me think that our house is not very baby-proof.  Gotta work on that.  Martha has been busy at day care with graduation (hard to imagine graduation from daycare but it was very sweet and we were so proud of her for singing well and being a helper to her classmate who was a bit sad during the graduation!  Very sweet to see!) and learning about drawing people and playing outside on her trike or scooter.  She is very inquisitive and full of energy, not something I can always keep up with, that's for sure.  I'm glad she has good playmates at school and ...

      It's quiet here in the Meadows.  Bird song is muted by the roar of the air conditioners in our neighbourhood working overtime to combat the heat and humidity that has descended on our city.  Inside, Ava's having a nap and I just finished watering the poor suffering outdoor plants and am sitting down for a rest in our not so cool but hopefully soon will be cool house.  We probably should have caved long ago but I love the breeze blowing and the sounds of summer and I hate to shut it all out, but at some point it becomes necessary. Timothy's off to work - when I think to over a year ago, just last week, was his starting point at Cardus.  How we thought "what are you doing, Lord?" but have since then realized the amazing blessings of his being able to work so close to home and for a Christian organization and a short commute compared to hours each day on the train.  And Martha is nearly done a year at daycare - how much of a huge transition was...

   Deep breaths...quiet house this afternoon, baby sleeping, Martha's out on errands with Dad and the couch is mine alone for a few precious seconds.  Side aching, mouth hurting, stomach upset, these are the shadows and not so fun things that accompany me through my days.  Taking pain meds, heating pads, naps, nothing actually takes the pain away for real.  Tough to eat, tough to sleep, tough to be there for my family when I so desperately want to be, in a real way, not just a half hearted shadow of myself.  Tough to compile thoughts, to share, to summarize the last weeks, tough to know where I'm at right now.  It feels like we are just in the rut of chemo every two weeks, with little hiccups in between.  There have been a few trips to the ER, with colitis caused by the chemo, and again with a good temperature of 39.1 on Sunday evening and me definitely not feeling up to snuff - feeling achy, skin sore, head pounding, shaking despite m...