Monday evening

It's Timothy, Danielle's husband writing this evening.

A lot has happened since Danielle wrote the last post on the Thursday following our appointment in Toronto. We spent the long weekend with Danielle's parents and her sister Rachel's family at their place outside of London. We had been hoping to do something as a family this summer and backyard camping seemed to fit the bill since it had the most flexibility in case things went differently then planned. As it happened, Danielle's younger sister Lauren's daughter got chicken pox the Thursday before the weekend so, in an effort to reduce the chance of infection, it was decided that Danielle and our family would go up over the weekend, and then Lauren's family would come up after we left on Monday night. We had an appointment with the oncologist on Tuesday so this seemed to make the most sense.

The highlight of the weekend was undoubtedly a pig roast on Saturday, an all-day affair which culminated in dinner with neighbours and friends and family, about 30 people in all. We went to church on Sunday and to Ipperwash beach on Sunday evening - quite nice to take a dip in the cool water. On Monday I went fishing for a few hours with my brother in law and the kids swam in the pool. All in all, a great way to spend a summer long weekend.

At our oncologist appointment on Tuesday we discussed the new treatment and the plan for dealing with low immunity (blood test every Friday). We also finally asked for a prognosis, and the doctor confirmed that it would be unlikely that Danielle would live another year. This was not a surprise to us given all that had happened since the diagnosis, and with the first and second line treatment. But it was very difficult to hear this, and to accept it... we are grieving, for each other, with each other, for our marriage, our family, our girls. 

The following day Danielle initiated a new treatment for the pain which she was experiencing in her abdomen, which had been intensifying over the past weeks. In consultation with the pain doctor Danielle began taking increased pain meds, which had a sedating effect. On Thursday and Friday Danielle was quite tired, unable to focus... we agreed that the pain doctor would review the meds again after the weekend.

Danielle did get bloodwork done on Friday as planned and the pain doctor called on Saturday, that she needed to go into ER, past the desk, to get assessed for low blood counts. So Danielle went in with her Mom on Saturday afternoon, while I stayed at home with the girls and Danielle's Dad. Danielle was kept overnight, and brought up to the ward on Sunday morning early. I went with the girls on Sunday morning for a visit, and Danielle was awake but in pain. They ran a few units of blood later that day, which, as of Monday, had seemed to stabilize things.

Danielle will stay in the hospital until they have seen a longer pattern of stability with the blood counts and get the pain under control. She now has a pain pump which can deliver small doses of medicine on demand. But they don't really know why she lost so much blood. The palliative care doctor came by when I was visiting this morning, and prescribed a few new meds to deal with the pain. Our hope is that Danielle can come home at some point when she is more comfortable.

I washed Danielle's hair tonight at the sink in her room and she was very glad about that, it made her feel a bit better and it was a nice thing that I could do for her. She said, will you mention that in the blog, and I supposed that I would, it's not everyday one gets to wash his wife's hair.  That is something we can talk about, and remember, and enjoy. But we do not understand this disease, and we do not understand why we have been called to walk this path. I pray for Danielle that she might be comforted by those who are encircling her with visits and hugs and prayer and words of encouragement, and that she might take comfort in the Word when she is in sorrow. I pray that she might be lifted up by these verses from Isaiah 41, which a colleague shared with me last week: 

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.