Wednesday morning...
Her big sister is always busy as well, always talking, learning, bossing people around, taking good care of her little sister and daily challenging us with her knowledge, her smarts and her very determined personality. She started swimming lessons yesterday. This will be a no-brainer we thought... this will be great... she loves the water... she loves to swim... but apparently Timothy spent over half the class time bringing her back to the teacher because she didn't want to stay. She tells us very clearly that she had fun despite this and will happily go back again next week. We'll see what time brings. We are daily thankful for her loving attitude towards her little sister, whom everyone says looks like Martha big time. I'm afraid I'm not one of those people who have ease in seeing who people's kids look like but there is definitely a strong resemblance between the girls.
I realize more and more that it is so important to spend so much time with these little blessings, storing up things in their hearts and memories, hoping to lead them even now in good ways, but not with our own strength. Daily I confess to being so weak, in not always being accepting of God's plans, which of course, we don't know how things will turn out and that's the difficult part. How much do I say now while they're still young and might not understand and how much do I save or write down or record for them to listen to when they're older. I've got a few little side-projects on the go but it takes time and a lot of emotional energy to do those things. But I so want them to know me, to remember me, to know that I love them so much and I tell them those things each day!
There are stirrings on the couch beside me and I'm afraid I'll probably either have to cut this short or maybe come back to it... I think come back to it...
Now it's 5:15... waiting for Timothy and Martha to come through the door in a whirlwind that lasts til bedtime, leaving both parents in a heap on the couch when it is all done and children are finally settled! But we count our blessings, our wonderful little blessings who are such miracles to us! And as always are so thankful for those who help in so many ways - rides, meals, cleaning, babysitting, Ava snuggling, gardening (can't wait to sock the garden full of flowers this year again!) and so many more things that might go under the radar but are still detected!
And as for me, after talking about my household, I suppose a little update on my health and wellbeing is about due. Today I was disconnected from Cycle #3 of the new chemo called FOLFIRI. So nice to have freedom now and true freedom as last chemo cycle, I had the PICC line removed (which I've had since being in hospital for surgery in June - apparently pretty good length of time to be in. The nurses were very impressed at how wonderful the site looked and I give the credit to great nursing and great dressings!) and I had another central line called a PORT inserted in my upper right chest. This type of line involves a small disc and catheter under the skin leading to my heart which needs to be accessed with a needle each time I have chemo, but the great benefit of which is that I can shower without having to wrap up my arm anymore which is blissful (try not washing your left arm for 9 months!) and I can even go swimming - good timing again, in my humble opinion. It's taken some getting used to as its position in my chest is pretty much the perfect height for Martha's head to bonk into whenever we read stories or snuggle but I'm hoping with time and healing, that it will no longer be so uncomfortable. So now we wait to see what happens with symptoms.
Last chemo I felt pretty well during the first three days and it wasn't until the Thursday afternoon that the nausea started up again. I piled on whatever we could add and hunkered down, subsisting on pears and peaches and Gatorade. Gotta get in what you can - I was pretty shocked at my last clinic appointment when my weight was done - do you know that I've lost around 55 pounds since this all started - granted that I was pregnant when diagnosed - but still, I guess it's time to think about beefing up on some more shakes and protein stuff - yum, yum... The weekend was a bit of a write-off which I was sad about since we had Timothy's sister and her husband and son in town for a visit and I wasn't up to doing everything - and that tells me that this cancer does take its toll in other ways than just in physical manifestations - time away from family, time that you can't get back, time that you wish you were spending wisely...
Sometimes, I can write this, I hate what this cancer does, not just to me but to dear friends who are going through it, for strangers whom I don't even know who might just be finding out. Cancer is that big word that we never, never want to hear. That word that is dreaded and feared above few others. The word that puts people into categories and situations that they never dreamed of. I know for us, it's meant big changes in how our family runs, we're not so independent anymore (maybe a good thing), we're more conscious about how we spend our family time and that's a good thing. It forces us to learn about science and meds and treatments that were foreign to us, and wish they would always be so. It shows us who our true friends are and how much an army of prayer warriors is such a blessing. All over the world, people still tell us that they're praying for us and this to me is amazing grace, the wonder of faith being worked out, the communion of the saints standing together in the rain and the storm and holding each other up and teaching us humility and love.... so much love underneath it all. I'm thankful for that love - it helps me to focus on the things I need to, to realize that underneath it all, it is God's love that is holding us up... that it is His sacrifice, which we recently celebrated on Good Friday and Easter Sunday - the good news that He has risen, having conquered our enemy of sin and death and the devil and that we need to cling to Him as He has suffered for us, so I now share in that suffering, yet knowing that no matter which way the next scans show us about my disease, God still knows us, still sees us, still holds us in the palm of His hand.
As a side note, I joined a choir in January, a choir whom a dear friend plays piano for, and to whose concerts at Christmas and Easter Timothy and I always try to attend. I'm so glad to have had a chance to sing, communally, sometimes yet privately, as the words would sink in and fill up the cracks in my soul and be soothed by the words of comfort ..."if God is for us, who can be against us?" If you have some free time either this coming Friday at 7:00pm or Saturday at 5:00 and 8:00pm, I'd encourage you to tune in to the live-stream that is provided by the church.
https://www.
Come share with me, my family and my choir members the good news of the Gospel, the saving grace of Christ and the voices of God's people rising as sweet smelling incense to the King of Heaven.
And as for me, after talking about my household, I suppose a little update on my health and wellbeing is about due. Today I was disconnected from Cycle #3 of the new chemo called FOLFIRI. So nice to have freedom now and true freedom as last chemo cycle, I had the PICC line removed (which I've had since being in hospital for surgery in June - apparently pretty good length of time to be in. The nurses were very impressed at how wonderful the site looked and I give the credit to great nursing and great dressings!) and I had another central line called a PORT inserted in my upper right chest. This type of line involves a small disc and catheter under the skin leading to my heart which needs to be accessed with a needle each time I have chemo, but the great benefit of which is that I can shower without having to wrap up my arm anymore which is blissful (try not washing your left arm for 9 months!) and I can even go swimming - good timing again, in my humble opinion. It's taken some getting used to as its position in my chest is pretty much the perfect height for Martha's head to bonk into whenever we read stories or snuggle but I'm hoping with time and healing, that it will no longer be so uncomfortable. So now we wait to see what happens with symptoms.
Last chemo I felt pretty well during the first three days and it wasn't until the Thursday afternoon that the nausea started up again. I piled on whatever we could add and hunkered down, subsisting on pears and peaches and Gatorade. Gotta get in what you can - I was pretty shocked at my last clinic appointment when my weight was done - do you know that I've lost around 55 pounds since this all started - granted that I was pregnant when diagnosed - but still, I guess it's time to think about beefing up on some more shakes and protein stuff - yum, yum... The weekend was a bit of a write-off which I was sad about since we had Timothy's sister and her husband and son in town for a visit and I wasn't up to doing everything - and that tells me that this cancer does take its toll in other ways than just in physical manifestations - time away from family, time that you can't get back, time that you wish you were spending wisely...
Sometimes, I can write this, I hate what this cancer does, not just to me but to dear friends who are going through it, for strangers whom I don't even know who might just be finding out. Cancer is that big word that we never, never want to hear. That word that is dreaded and feared above few others. The word that puts people into categories and situations that they never dreamed of. I know for us, it's meant big changes in how our family runs, we're not so independent anymore (maybe a good thing), we're more conscious about how we spend our family time and that's a good thing. It forces us to learn about science and meds and treatments that were foreign to us, and wish they would always be so. It shows us who our true friends are and how much an army of prayer warriors is such a blessing. All over the world, people still tell us that they're praying for us and this to me is amazing grace, the wonder of faith being worked out, the communion of the saints standing together in the rain and the storm and holding each other up and teaching us humility and love.... so much love underneath it all. I'm thankful for that love - it helps me to focus on the things I need to, to realize that underneath it all, it is God's love that is holding us up... that it is His sacrifice, which we recently celebrated on Good Friday and Easter Sunday - the good news that He has risen, having conquered our enemy of sin and death and the devil and that we need to cling to Him as He has suffered for us, so I now share in that suffering, yet knowing that no matter which way the next scans show us about my disease, God still knows us, still sees us, still holds us in the palm of His hand.
As a side note, I joined a choir in January, a choir whom a dear friend plays piano for, and to whose concerts at Christmas and Easter Timothy and I always try to attend. I'm so glad to have had a chance to sing, communally, sometimes yet privately, as the words would sink in and fill up the cracks in my soul and be soothed by the words of comfort ..."if God is for us, who can be against us?" If you have some free time either this coming Friday at 7:00pm or Saturday at 5:00 and 8:00pm, I'd encourage you to tune in to the live-stream that is provided by the church.
https://www.
Come share with me, my family and my choir members the good news of the Gospel, the saving grace of Christ and the voices of God's people rising as sweet smelling incense to the King of Heaven.
You continue to inspire. Too many of my friends are fighting this battle.
ReplyDeleteDoreen
My piano looks happy! Miss susan
ReplyDelete