It's raining, it's pouring...

It's a rainy April morning... the last Saturday in April already...how times flies and how much we try to pack into our days. Yet, it's good to sit and to meditate, to see the flowers throwing off their coats of dirt and leaves and rearing their yellow flowers to the warmth of the sun, stretching their limbs after a cold winter of being all tucked up in a little ball and somehow, someway, only our God truly knows how that miracle of life makes itself known...brightening our lawn and our house and our hearts with such beauty. Yes, our daffies seem to make themselves known very early on in the season, probably because they're leaning against the bricks of our house and our house faces east and so there's lots of warm sun on them and radiating towards them that they are eager beavers to get out and catch some rays. So if you need a taste of spring, c'mon down and have a peek.
It's been a busy few weeks and hence no major updates. I'm not even really sure where to start...my sister kindly did an update for us which was great... but I feel like a lot has been happening in the intervening time. So I'm home... tucked on the couch with my cycle#4 chemo bottle infusing tucked in the pocket of my Campfire hoodie... never thought that would be the use for the pocket but it works good. Laundry is going, lots to do today because last night I was so so sweaty ?from chemo, from meds, from low-grade fevers. So gross to wake up overnight just drenched, cold and clammy. Glad for lots of pajamas and towels and sheets.
So I got sprung from the hospital on Monday afternoon after almost a week's admission. We had great nursing care as we struggled to get pain, nausea and diarrhea under control. Eventually with med tweeks and rest, things seemed to settle down. The doctor's diagnosis was a colitis, so an inflammation of the lower bowel, initally thought to have been caused by an infection but after many blood cultures and other less noble samples, ruled out as an infectious cause. It was thought to be from the chemo. So Monday, which was chemo day, but also discharge day was a bit rescheduled. Chemo would be put off til the next week and I would be given a bit of time to rest and recuperate at home. And that's what happened. Lots of rest, lots of fatigue still to battle. Weight loss is becoming an issue as I've lost over 60 pounds since I was diagnosed. Gotta figure out how to perfect protein smoothies - if anyone's up to giving me a lesson, I'd be up for that!
Last Monday night, I ended up in ER again with a fever and feeling unwell again. I was treated promptly with cultures and fluids again and some IV antibiotics. I was also sent home six hours later with some oral antibiotics for a week so once again, I was glad to be taken seriously and be treated well. We've really had great nurses and doctors to care for us through this whole journey, in the hospital and in clinics. Chemo was delayed again until Friday, yesterday.
So it was another week of waiting - battling feelings of frustration about so many things and getting anxious for the CT results that would be arriving on Friday. Timothy accompanied me to treatment yesterday so he could see how that whole process works and we met with our oncologist there. He had reviewed the CT scan and felt that disease in most areas was stable with very very small growth in a few areas. We can live with that - we have been all along praying for miracles - maybe this is our miracle, our answer to prayer. We have been praying for peace, for joy, for the ability to understand how to ask for miracles, what to ask for. We started a study of Psalm 27, verse by verse and that has been a blessing already, even if we're only a few chapters in. I find in the last weeks, it's been very hard to be "up" and to even be in good heavenward communication. You'd think that in the deep valleys is when you need Him the most but it's all the time, in the grumbly in between bits, in the high times and in the low times. I pray for His presence to wrap around me, to take away the hurts and to realize more and more the plan He has for us. It's sometimes hard to see through the muck and mire of nausea, pain and just in general feeling unwell. So that's our prayer requests for this week - peace, joy in the knowledge that things seem to be a bit under control, strength for the journey is long and difficult and for everyday love for life.
I'll share Psalm 27 as a reminder of where our hope is.

Psalm 27

Of David.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—

Whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life—

of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me

to devour me,

it is my enemies and my foes

who will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me,

my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me,

even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the Lord,

this only do I seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord

all the days of my life,

to gaze on the beauty of the Lord

and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble

he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent

and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted

above the enemies who surround me;

at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, Lord;

be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”

Your face, Lord, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me,

do not turn your servant away in anger;

you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me,

God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me,

the Lord will receive me.

Teach me your way, Lord;

lead me in a straight path

because of my oppressors.

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,

for false witnesses rise up against me,

spouting malicious accusations.

I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Search This Blog

Through The Waters