Sunday evening...

How different an evening tonight was compared to two weeks ago... two weeks ago, i was settling in for a first night in the hospital, the anticipation and anxiety pre-surgery building and worries about how everything would go were piling up around me.  The night was restless and full of tossing and turning.  What would the morning bring?  How would surgery go?  Would the cancer be removed?  Would i end up with an ostomy?  Would i ever feel little Ava again?
And now, two weeks later, it seems as if an eternity has passed and yet it's been a short/long fourteen days.  God has been so faithful, blessing us with so many answers to prayer even as we journeyed through that valley of surgery, that vale of the shadow of death.  For we truly didn't know as we submitted to the surgeon's hands, how all would turn out.  Hard to give it over to God and realize that there's a plan in place for my life, for Ava's life, for Timothy and Martha and for all our dear ones who surround us like an army. He was faithful to allow the cancer to be largely removed, to not have to have an ostomy (a big fear of mine), He spared Ava's life and allowed us to continue to grow in our love for her daily.  Even now as i type, i feel her little flutters under my hand and am amazed and so thankful that she's growing, feeling kicks in different spots now and realizing that if the surgery had waited two weeks or longer, it would have been more risky for her as she would have been that much bigger and taking up more room and closer to the surgeon's operating field.  So as much as we lament timing of things, God has turned it for our good.  Even Timothy's job switch in the midst of this all going on has turned out for good - he no longer commutes for 2 hours one way but is a mere 8 minutes from work if the lights work for him.  EIGHT minutes.  What a huge relief and to know that he's so close if anything should change and that he's got a great new work environment with new challenges and new colleagues who have already been so supportive in many ways.  How can we not marvel at God's goodness and faithfulness to us.
Of course, we deal with many emotions in the midst of these days, in the midst of counting blessings, we can get overwhelmed with the things to come.  It somehow seemed easy to say that little word "surgery" yet it brought with it so many ups and downs that its a whole chapter on its own.  And now we face, in a week or two, that little word "chemo".  For me, that's got a lot of implications, for our lives, for our comfort, for our safety, for little Ava, for our future.  We pray that it will be blessed to shrink the cancer down, we pray for miracles in that regard but we know that is also a day by day struggle, that if we lift our eyes and look too far in the future, that Satan will overwhelm us with anger or despair as to why this is happening to us and worry and anxiety about years to come, yet we must stick with day by day... step by step... "yeah, though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death"... we don't see much further than our next footstep sometimes... and maybe that's grace in itself, not allowing us to run ahead and stumble on our way but seeking help for each step, each inch forward.
Our devotions tonight were from Habakkuk 3:17-19 - musing on that little word "yet".  Just when we think things are not going well for us, when all seems lost and there are no blessings to be discovered in the land and in our homes, "yet" God is with us even in those times.  Even then we can praise Him.  We sang as a family tonight (we love to teach Martha songs since she's very into music) Great is Thy Faithfulness.  And He truly has been great in faithfulness to us.  For all of your prayers, kind words, cards that fill our mailbox from far and wide, those we know and those we don't, meals, lawncutting, gifts for Martha, time spent visiting and healing our souls with the balm of kindness are ways that God shows His love concretely to us.  No other way of looking at things.  So on this Sunday evening, as we prepare for another night of rest at home, together as a family for now, for this night, we share these words with you and pray that they may be true of each of us.

                 Though the fig tree does not bud

            and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

    and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

    and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

    he enables me to tread on the heights.

Habakkuk 3:17-19