Through The Waters

   So, here I am at last, after a furiously busy start to our week, after our relaxing time at the cottage, it was smack dab back to reality early Monday morning.  Our first appointment was for an ultrasound - the results of which you can see on the picture above - Ava is now about 3 pounds, 4 oz and growing well - good amounts of amniotic fluid around her and is very active as Timothy can testify to when I lay back at night and we share a few moments together with our unborn little one.  Strangely enough, whenever I try to get anyone else to feel her, she plays shy and decides to stop her movements so my sister and sister-in-law have yet to feel her moving!  The picture is a little vague but shows her looking at us face on, with bits of the umbilical cord above her in two places and a little black area in the lower left where her little heart is beating away.  So precious to see our little miracle girl.  Always such a relief to know that she's doing...

   It's Sunday evening and the only sounds around me are the turning of pages of my husband's book and the chorus of crickets outside.  Martha informed us tonight that she likes the crickets after I told her about them playing in the orchestra with their fiddles.  She's so funny with her comments lately and we have to laugh a lot with her.  Oh, to be sure, we have our multiple frustrations as well with her very determined personality, crazy temper tantrums and very strong will but we love her to bits.  I look at her and I think... I want to be here to see her grow up, I want to be the one who teaches her things and goes through experiences with her and yes, even through those grueling teenage years and then I think so much about whether the chemo is working as it should and whether it is effective or whether things are growing despite the treatments and I can get so so fearful.  So worried about a future I can't control or determine.  So sca...

Today... today was a good day... for the most part - not too much to say that's epic or deep tonight, just enjoy a few images of our evening spent down by the waterfront in Hamilton, enjoying playing in the sunbeams and reflecting on the last time Timothy and I were down in the park - was the weekend before chemo was to start.  And now we're already into cycle#4.  Hard to believe that was over eight weeks ago.  We're also at 29.5 weeks of pregnancy - what a blessing to have made it this far - truly the hand of our God is on our little Ava.  And to be honest, things have been fairly well tolerated - I'm not totally incapacitated or in bed all day long, some days I'm able to be up and about all day, most days I need a nap in the afternoon to be human for the rest of the day but no crippling nausea, no huge hair loss, no terrible mouth sores.  I'm guessing that might still come if and when chemo changes but we won't know that likely until after Ava is born. ...

      Just a little update tonight... we as a family, we concluded today, are spending waaaaayyy too much time getting to know the ins and outs of all of Hamilton's fantastic hospitals.  Too many admissions, too many appointments so that we are learning all the best parking spots and tricks, the best food places and the sneaky ways in and out.  Okay, Lauren and I might have gotten a little bit turned around today at the General but it's the place I know the least to be fair.  Today was spent at the General with my Mom and Dad and my two dear sisters.  We were there for Mom's open heart operation.  Once again, we expressed extreme thankfulness that we do live in Hamilton, where we can access four great hospitals within about 15 minutes of each other.  That we don't have to fly in or figure out all the streets and where to stay on top of the stress of being at the hospital for serious procedures.  Once again, Lauren and I talked about how ...

     Just back in from spending a Sunday afternoon at Mom and Dad's after worship with our wonderful church family this morning, hearing the Word preached and praising God together and as we sang the words of "When Peace like a River", I could barely keep myself together.  Thursday was a day this week that I lost it... when we found out about Mom's surgery, and just thinking about everything that we've been through in the last few months, and still have to face, I was left so weak and overwhelmed, that it took a while before the words my dear husband was praying to comfort us sank in.  To still the sobs and quench the weeping was something that was done through God's power, and Him alone.  Yet at times, it's still hard to realize and trust that there is a plan for all this...for Ava, for Mom, for my family, for myself and the future.  It's hard to trust and obey, it's hard to take that yoke upon oneself and learn, to cast all our cares upon Hi...

      Wow, how did that happen?  A week slipped by and I haven't updated or written.  There have been a few times where I've sat down and thought that it was a good time to write but nothing would come from my head or my fingers and so I'd leave the computer alone again for a while and left "blog update" on my handy dandy list of things to do - when you have a combo of baby and chemo brain, it's not a good thing in the remembering department!  But here I am at last - I think it's important to remember that the longer it goes between updates, maybe the more stable things are around here?  So a bit of a delay is a good thing.  We know that there continue to be a multitude of prayers going up for us and we so appreciate being surrounded by our community and knowing that support is always there.  Our community is amazing to be sure.       This morning my sister Rachel is coming and we are heading to MUMC for an ob appointment. ...

     The house is quiet, the fan is blowing yet again, wishing it could blow the cobwebs out of my brain, and Martha and Timothy are off to the babysitter and work (without a fight this morning!  Yay!  The last few mornings have been knock down, drag out fights about whether she eats her breakfast or whether clothing is optional, involving a lot of tears and angry looks, making all of our days start off on the wrong foot - just what we all need, aaah, yes, I've been warned multiple times that three is worse than two... more lippy, more capacity to argue, more determined, more picky, you name it... the list goes on and on!) actually got clippies in her hair for once.... our dear girl it's birthday morning!  Yay for balloons and sprinkles! Showing off her artwork that Daddy taught her how to do... we'll soon have two artists in the family!      The last weekend was full of celebrations as we had two parties to celebrate our dear ...